I want to know what the term is for this.

Every time I eat a pear I think of Seth Plate in City of Angels. Seth asks Maggie what a Pear tastes like. He wants to know what it tastes like to her. She describes the way it feels to eat a Pear. Now whenever I eat a pear I think of City of Angels.

In the movie The Birdcage there is a scene where Robin Williams is trying to look not gay and uses the old show an interest in sports routine and throws out the line "How bout them Dolphins?" A friend uses that line at interesting points in typical dinner parties. Now whenever I see The Birdcage when scanning the cable channels, which is pretty much every week it seems, I think about that friend.

I love reading Heather's blog. She has some interesting thoughts about parents perceptions when seeing other people's children. Reminds me of the times when I traveled for work and would see kids and thought about my kids at home without me. And even now when I see children and their parents I think about all the joys and sorrows that they have experienced and will experience.

I try to imagine what couples who don't have children react to these experiences. Among my siblings I am the only one that has childen.

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Originally uploaded by rkrato.

Golf with the wide angle.

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IMGP0114.JPG Originally uploaded by rkrato.

I had a dream this morning.

I was at some kind of high school event. I don't remember there being any details of the event in my dream and the location is only vaguely clear to me now. Actually I don't remember many of the details at all. What I do remember is Cindy and her friend S. were in the dream. Nothing too exciting is happening just regular daily life. At some point something happens that reminds me of something in the past. I mention it to Cindy and I am trying to remember if she was there when it happened. At that point my mind starts to flip flop between the past and present, dream and reality. In the dream I can't seem to figure out if Cindy was there when this thing happened in the past. Then while still in the dream I am trying to figure out if it happened before or after she died. It seems to me in the dream that is was after she died.

At this point my dreams usually take a turn and I start to realize how amazing it is that Cindy is there talking to us, afte having been dead for all these years, and I wake up.

This time the dream is different. S. is sitting next to me on some bleachers and I turn to her and say "I wonder what will make us realize she is dead this time". The dream continues on for a little while and I start to wake up before anyone in the dream realizes that Cindy is dead and really isn't there talking to us.

I found this interesting exercise over at Kottke.org.

"Go here and look through random quotes until you find five that you think reflect who you are or what you believe."

It took a while but I came up with these:

• Hold no man responsible for what he says in his grief. (The Talmud)
• If you can't do what you want, do what you can. (Lois McMaster Bujold)
• Happiness is as a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but which if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you. (Nathaniel Hawthorne)
• Every once in a while, take the scenic route. (H. Jackson Brown Jr.)
• It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere. (Agnes Repplier)

Performancing test

This is a test of Performancing.

I'm trying out Halley's new StyleFeeder. So far it seems easy to use. I'll have to play a while and see how it all works.

I listened to one of the Theme Time Radio Hour shows Bob Dylan is doing over on XM radio. It's pretty cool. Made me remember the days of listening to WJKL radio in Elgin IL. In searching for information about WJKL I ran across this great listing of Chicago radio station call signs.

Halley over at Top Ten Sources blogs about being a Single Mom CEO and it made me think about the flip side of being a "Single Dad Homemaker". I wonder how many dads go off to work planning summertime activities for the kids and thinking about running to the grocery store at lunch time to pick up something to make for dinner, scheduling school physicals, the clogged kitchen sink, the laundry, and ...

Halley says she feels old when she talks to young folks. I have the same experience regularly but for me they are even younger kids, in my case they are in their teens. It's funny thought that the teens are actually quite worried about the things that Halley thinks are important.

They are very focused on Halley's thumb and pointer values. They are really confused on how to achieve those things but they are putting so much energy in trying to get the someone they love (or have a teenage infatuation with) to love them back.

They really don't have much going on for the middle finger yet. Some of them are just starting to enter the working world in jobs at the grocery store, or the mall.

Outside of my job I spend more time around teens than I do adults and it reinforces my realization that I'm not totally grown up yet. I still have many of the insecurities that these young people do. I haven't outgrown my shyness. I still enjoy doing many of the things they enjoy. Like going to grungy little theaters to watch bands play live music.

Watching Andrew McMahon this past weekend I could sense that this young kid had experienced something soul shaking. His between song banter had a strange feeling to it. He seemed to have an awareness of what is really important. He talked about his family and his girlfriend and how much he enjoys playing music for people. He was basically talking about all the things on Halley's hand. It wasn't until I got home and found out about his battle with Cancer that I understood.